


Stay Nasty

by intoapuddle



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, PWP, Piss kink, Smut, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 08:54:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoapuddle/pseuds/intoapuddle
Summary: Dan didn't expect to end up here after being mocked for not checking the stickers on an instagram filter thoroughly enough, but he’s very glad they did.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 14
Kudos: 69





	Stay Nasty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ahappyphil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/gifts).



> In which i'll only do a writing challenge if it's stupid enough?? lmao [here's the post](https://intoapuddle.tumblr.com/post/645853089416495104/dan-and-phils-sexy-talk-must-be-awful-im-glad) of the sentences i was asked to fit into one fic. Enjoy!!

Dan takes off his noise cancelling headphones, switching the TV channel from the game console to Netflix, when a hysterical giggle erupts from Phil on the other end of the sofa. Phil is in his pants and an old hoodie, looking down at his phone. This happens regularly—Phil losing his mind out of nowhere because of something dumb he saw online. And despite years of experience lending Dan to assume Phil found a three year old meme thinking it’s current, Dan’s curiosity gets the better of him.

“What?” Dan asks, stalling from his mission to put on some familiar show as background noise to the one hour ordeal of deciding on something to eat.

Phil looks up at him like he’d forgotten Dan was there. “Stay nasty,” he says, deadpan, before he starts to giggle again.

“Stay n— _what?”_

“Did you read what the stickers said?” Phil is not calming down, so fucking smugly amused Dan kind of forgets he was hungry.

“What fucking stickers?” Dan asks. “Spit it out!”

Phil finally turns his phone around to show Dan the picture he posted last night, before they did the stereo show. He’s not on instagram, though. He’s looking at it on… Twitter?

“I didn’t read them,” Dan admits, eyeing the filter he’d chosen on a whim because the photo had looked way too sincere without one. “What the fuck? I figured they said something like ‘cute’ or whatever?”

 _”Dan!”_ Phil starts laughing again.

“The other ones said ‘femme power’!” Dan reasons. “That was good enough for me!”

Phil takes his phone back, then giggles quietly to himself. “Stay nasty.”

“I can show you ‘nasty,’ bitch,” Dan mutters, slumped back on the couch, scrolling through shows without really looking.

“Oh?” Phil perks up, putting his phone away. He shifts closer as if Dan had been making an actual suggestion. “Wanna tongue on the couch?”

Dan splutters. The fact that Phil’s gone off the rails after only a few hours of Dan playing online with his friends isn’t out of the ordinary, but jesus. It still surprises him sometimes.

“I don’t say these things for you to memorise them, Phil,” Dan says, but doesn’t protest when Phil leans his head against his shoulder. It’s fucking Pavlovian at this point, the way Dan’s arm raises to settle around Phil’s shoulders whenever he does that head lean. 

“It was an interesting way to put it is all,” Phil says in that _tone_ of his. “It painted a picture.”

“You like that picture, huh?” Dan asks. He’s not really that into the conversation anymore, because the other half of his mind is wondering whether he wants to not-watch Drag Race or not-watch Schitt’s Creek.

He’s forgotten what he even said when he feels Phil’s lips on his jawline, a hand squeezing his thigh. 

Whenever he plays video games for as long as he did today, Dan kind of forgets he has a body with needs other than consuming whatever’s on a screen. The feeling of Phil’s body pushed closer, those telltale long breaths that mean Phil actually wants it rather than just being a little shit, is an urgent reminder. First, Dan notices that he’s actually starving at this point. Second, he notices that his bladder is about to burst.

“Oh, shit,” Dan says, rattled out of his physical lethargy. He pushes Phil away gently, sitting up.

“Daaan,” Phil complains when Dan stands up fully. “Come back.”

He’s actually pouting. Dan laughs. “I’m about to piss myself, you dolt.”

Phil doesn’t look like he thinks that’s a valid excuse at all, given the put-upon way he folds his arms over his chest. But then, Phil wouldn’t. Dan knows that intimately.

“Really?” Dan asks, just a hint of judgement coming through in his voice. “You read ‘stay nasty’ on my face and immediately wanted me to pee on you?”

“No!” Phil looks distraught. “Oh my god, Dan.”

“No?” Dan’s too amused to stop poking at this point.

“I just thought it was funny?” Phil says, or suggests, but Dan can tell he means it. Won’t stop Dan from insisting that Phil’s a nasty little bitch, though. “Shut up. I just want some lovin’.”

Dan rolls his eyes, but his heart swells. Phil’s fucking adorable sometimes. “Sure,” he concedes. “Come on.”

Phil’s eyebrows shoot up on his forehead. “Huh?”

“You wanna make rubby rubs in the bathroom while I pee?” Dan says in a stupid voice. “I can make that happen. It’s your call, honey.”

Phil gets to his feet quickly, despite making some kind of noise of disapproval. They’re already walking to the bathroom. “Just figure it’s a shame to _waste—”_

“Six hours of pee build up?” Dan cackles. “Yeah, this isn’t the kind you’ll want in your mouth.”

Phil groans again. It’s kind of turning Dan on. “Don’t even say that.”

“Right, soz,” Dan smiles. “‘Cause it makes you want it. Nasty.”

They’ve arrived at the bathroom. Phil grabs Dan by the back of his neck in front of the toilet. He fumbles with the waistband of Dan’s sweats, pulls Dan’s half hard dick out, sliding his tongue inside his mouth.

“Fuck,” Dan exhales, pulling away for a second. “Don’t get me too hard.”

He’s actually gonna piss himself if he holds it much longer. But he palms Phil through his boxer briefs anyway, squeezes the fat hard-on trapped behind the soft material. Phil kisses him slowly, more settled now, pushing against Dan’s hand.

Dan lets Phil angle his cock, kiss his neck in front of the toilet. This is Phil’s kink more than Dan’s, but it gets Dan mad horny every time anyway. In this scenario, the real kink Dan has is _Phil_ and how aggressively sexy he is when he’s into something. Doesn’t really matter what that ‘something’ is. The weirder the better, to be honest.

“Ohhh,” Dan sighs against Phil’s lips, squeezing and rubbing him over his pants. “I’m peeing everywhere.”

Phil turns then. He turns his face down to watch Dan piss. Dan has to take a deep breath to stop his dick from twitching as badly as it is. He finally lets go. Starting with a slow, thin spurt that turns into a heavy stream, loud when it hits the porcelain. Dan feels himself find some centre in which he can relieve himself and notice how horny Phil is at the same time. Phil is panting into his ear watching Dan piss. Phil’s cock straining so hard against Dan’s hand. If they hadn’t done this enough times for Phil to have built up some stamina about it, Phil would be cumming in his pants already.

Dan finishes peeing. Phil pinches the tip of his cock gently to make the last little bit of pee come out. Dan takes a hard breath. He’s run out of teases. He simply turns to face Phil, kisses him deeply as his cock properly hardens. Then he gets to his knees.

Phil is quick to pull his cock out, balls against the elastic of his underwear. He feeds it slowly into Dan’s open, waiting mouth. Dan sucks him tight and passionate. It’s not what he expected to be doing after being mocked for not checking the stickers on an instagram filter thoroughly enough, but he’s very glad that’s where they’ve ended up.

It doesn’t take many minutes of Dan sucking Phil’s gorgeous cock before Phil is cumming, wanking quickly while Dan kisses the shaft. Cum shoots against Dan’s shoulder while Phil shudders and groans. It’s a _heavy_ orgasm. Dan knows that just from the force of Phil’s stomach muscles jumping against his cheek.

“Nasty,” Dan comments with a smirk when Phil starts to pull away.

“Whatever,” Phil says, grabbing Dan’s arm. “Come here. I want to make you cum too.”

Dan stands on weak knees, returning Phil’s fervent kisses for a few seconds before Phil gets to his knees. He fits his gorgeous pink lips around Dan’s cock, strokes his thumb over his balls. Dan already knows he’s gonna cum just as hard as Phil did. As it builds inside for the wonderful few minutes it takes to reach the point of no return, Dan takes a moment internally to appreciate what a nasty bitch for a boyfriend he’s got. What a perfect, needy, sexy guy he’s lucky enough to get such a horny blow job from, before he creams that bitch’s mouth hard.

Phil pulls off, swallowing Dan’s load. He kisses the tip of his cock with a charming smile. “What d’you wanna eat?”

Dan strokes Phil’s hair with a small laugh. “Whatever you want, babe.”

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading have a nice day :') | [tumblr post](https://intoapuddle.tumblr.com/post/645925572972838912/stay-nasty)


End file.
